Comprehensives and Bent-But-Not-Broken Pilot Pens

For those of you who are in grad school, you've probably come across this word (comprehensives). If you are in a program similar to mine, you are probably either on your way to into this typhoon of or have just come out of it, alive (preferably).

For those of you who new to this term, the Comprehensives is like the opening salvo for AN EXAM EXTRAVAGANZAH! As a the cliché goes: the reward for work is more work. Hence, the reward for making it thru a comprehensive exam is (you got it right), more exams! There's the proposal, the candidacy, the rigors of publishing a manuscript, the defense and many others in between.

So since I will only come this way once (unless I fail and this will be a really different story), I've decided to document the days leading to my own. The content you are reading here are actual photos that I posted on my FB page. Beware: the angle of mood swings I am writing about is definitely not the average but I assure you I am all good now and currently raging a battle with my first proposal draft.

Comprehensive -16 (November 24, 2019)
The diary began 16 days before D-day. This was 2 days before my examination committee were to release the topic. After this, I would be given 2 weeks to comprehensively study all articles and take my exam. 

And because I have escapism embedded into my my DNA, here I was in a fisherman's wharf in Taipei, drowning my fears out with lots of prayers and a sausage. It was a windy night. I was sitting on a large tire at a dimly lit corner of the wharf and thinking very hard about my many crazy life decisions. But hey, I was in Taipei and the sausage was warm and tasty. So yeah, it was a nice evening.

Actual caption: "Here I am at a not-so-lit corner of a fisherman's wharf. Shitless scared for the comprehensives to come. But with a sausage in hand, I say off we march."

Disposition: Scared but the sausage was delish.

Comprehensive -13 (November 27, 2019)
Studying has officially started . As always, reading is never quick and easy for me. In most cases, I needed to read articles, paragraphs, even sentences many times before comprehending them. I hit the ground running after my short trip to Taiwan and here I was on my 3rd article.  

Actual caption: " Important notes for comprehensives. This is my 3rd article and it talks bout stable isotope tracers. Very much the same thing that I would like to do a few months from now. On a scale from 1 to Sisa, I am in the Crispin-Basilio crazy level scared. But still, thankful for scientists who write well and clear for simple-minded dreamers like me. 

Disposition: Archimedes. But with clothes on and without a bath tub.

Comprehensive -12 (November 28, 2019)
These were the my top 2 favourites - corals and trophic strategies. This was also the very first time I encountered the term "trophic plasticity" and I have been using it ever since - because it sounds so smart. Do a Ctrl + F on my manuscript and you will be horrified at the redundancy. lol. 

Actual caption: "Documenting my remaining days until Comprehensives. This is the 4th and 5th article and by far my favorites. Today I learned a new term, "trophic plasticity". It's basically what I've been reading about for so long and now, I've finally put a name to it. Yay. According to one of these reads, they are "considered to be a critial factor in determinig resilience and resistance of corals to stressors". May pang significance of the study na ako. Haha."

Disposition: Cheerful. And Smart.

Comprehensive -11 (November 29, 2019)
I have a whole new level of respect for Physical Oceanographers. They are way up there with Maya Angelou and Nelson Mandela. Physics and Calculus just ain't my thing and these people, well they have them for breakfast, raw. 

Actual caption: "Today's articles (6 and 7) focus on Physical Oceanography. My weakness and where I give my most appreciation to - because it's where I have most difficulty with.These papers are also riddled with the most doodles and writings because lisud sabton and hence, I need to go back to the basic principles, write them down and refer them back to what is applied to the paper. A long and tiring process. Ala una na."

Disposition: A tinge of panic and silently wishing I took Physics more seriously in college.

Comprehensive - 8 (December 2, 2019)
Someone just passed away. He's a big guy in Marine Science but surprisingly, conversations never gravitated around those. It was mostly around espionage, washing dishes, corruption, conspiracy theories, dipterocarps and doing homework (because I wasn't doing enough of mine).

Actual caption: "Ethel, you should strive to learn everything about the ocean" "Ethel, do your homework, okay?" "Ethel, did you know that -------. Don't tell anyone that okay?" Never intimidating. I always found myself at the edge of my seat whenever we talked, Sir. It was an honor. Daghang salamat.

Disposition: Regrets for never visiting when he asked to. A note to always value time with mentors.

A second post for this day because I needed time to breathe. If you haven't been to UP Diliman, do come visit. It's a beautiful campus. For those who go here: please never, ever get used to it. It's like eating cucumber after a bowl of Tom Yum. Refreshing. 

Actual caption: "Eight days till the comprehensives and on my last article. This will be followed by a thorough review of all 10 articles, all the cited literature I've decided might be important and oh yeah, those 2 reports for my seminar class and ecological modelling class due in a couple of days. I did nothing for the weekend by the way. I can feel the world literally closing in on me. I look at these papers and instantly feel drowsy (like magic). Hence, the academic oval for today."

Disposition: Fresh because fresh air. And happy because kewk-kewk is nearby.

Comprehensive -7 (December 3, 2019)
Okay. TIME TO GET REAL. This was a difficult day and questions came crashing down on me like an avalanche. Everything was distracting me (including my hair, apparently). Why the heck are we here again? I should get a real job. 

Actual caption: "Seven days until Compre. No long reflections. Just "naunsa na ta ini". At least my sense of humor is still here."

Disposition: I hate my hair and everything else. I hate PhD the most. Also, panic.

A second post for redemption because - mood swings. Deranged at one time, happy the next. 

Actual caption: "Sharing something happy. These are 2 of the 10 articles that I've re-read X times and re-written with my own words and doodles and smiley faces and can now discuss by heart. So yay."

Disposition: From freaking out to happy, in record time. Scary to look back now. 

Comprehensive -6 (December 4, 2019)
After reading a number of articles about how exercise help with stress, I decided to get myself a gym membership. Day 1 and the trainer signed us up for high intensity training. So there was Ethel, 6 days before the comprehensives, patched up with Salonpas, in bed, hurting everywhere with not a single article finished. Haaay. Me and my life decisions.

Actual caption: "Six days until Comprehensives. Naa na sa kisame akong stress levels so I took the advice that exercise helps with stress. I enrolled myself to a gym. First time in 34 years. Ang resulta, body pain that left me paralyzed in bed the whole day. No articles for Day 6 then."

Disposition: I really hate myself. And that article about exercise. 

Comprehensive Day (December 10, 2020)

I was probably too tired to document the remaining five days and found myself posting only after the exam. Important events around my grad school life have always been riddled with some sort of misfortune. During my MS comprehensives, I got stuck in a downpour, was 2 hours late and spent answering the exam dripping - yes dripping in rainwater. I only had 2 hours to finish a 4-hour test. The last question for that section was "Give a comprehensive explanation on why the earth is green." In panic and defeat, I answered "Because there are many plants." That was it. I thought I was a goner.

Fast forward to my graduation day (yes, I did pass), the heel of my shoe broke smack in the middle of the stage. I left the poor heel there and all throughout the 3-hours, it witnessed EVERY. SINGLE. GRADUATE of the College of Arts and Sciences walk the stage. Maybe a few even stepped on it. But enough of that. Let's focus on this unfortunate event for now.

Since I was told by the examiner that I needed to hand write my answers, handwrite I did. And without fail, the overly tensed me bent the tip of my sign pen 2 questions into the exam. Surprisingly, she made it through 10 long pages of writing. If you're interested, this pen is available on all National Bookstore outlets. It will save your life, I tell you. Anyways, I was told later on that laptops were allowed for use. Misinformation is bummer. 

The memory of getting out of that room was something I never want to forget. I stepped out, sat at the lobby for 2 hours until it was dark - probably staring into thin air. Kuya Guard was kind enough to let me be. It was one of the best 2 hours of my life. I also remembered that I had 2 report papers and 1 research output presentation due before the end of the week. It was Monday. So yeah, at least I got those 2 hours.

Actual photo: "Two questions into the comprehensives, nabali akong bolpen. I kept on using it until I finished. Poor thing. So mau na akong hugot for today. Bent but not broken."

Disposition: Genuinely happy it was over. Genuinely not caring whether I passed or not.

Day 10 after Comprehensives (December 20, 2020)

To be honest, waiting was not as painful as I expected. Maybe because it was Christmas and Jose Mari Chan's voice was everywhere. Ten days after the exam, at 2:48 in the afternoon, the supervisor broke the news. I got it. =)

Actual caption: "Compre updates from the advisor. After being incognito for 2 weeks. It was a "wow, yay" ending. Off to candidacy!"

Disposition: Oh-so-happy, especially that the daughter and the husband was there to share the news with. Maybe I can really do this. Let's see.

So there you have it. Graduate school is without a doubt, a challenge on all fronts. Sometimes I question my decision for taking this path. But sometimes, I also feel extremely lucky to be in the profession of research and discovering the oceans in all its beauty. There are bad days but there are really good days as well. As my mentor used to say, it's a love-hate relationship, you and your science. 

And it ain't over yet. It's an EXAM EXTRAVAGANZAH! after all. And the scary days will inevitably come. But every now and then, I get those 2 precious hours that are worth bending sign pens for. And somehow in between you staring into thin air, alone in the lobby and Kuya Elmer's awkward glances, you find your second wind to keep on going. And as always, I'm excited to write all about it here. So see you in the next post! 

Amping,

Tinghoy

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